50 Steps to Positive Confidence

Being self confident is one of those things we all aspire to. We see people around us and assume because they seem confident and self assured, things come easily to them and they have their lives and themselves “sorted.” Underneath of course, they are all as self conscious and anxiety filled as the rest of us!

In my experience, confidence is something that has come with age, experience and a lot of effort… and  I am going to give you some tips showing you how to become more confident at any time in your life.


Try these for a more confident outlook ❤️

1. Use affirmations. They honestly work! Google ‘positive affirmations’ if you are looking for inspiration and use those that resonate with you.

2. Trust that things are happening for a reason and you are learning and growing from every experience.

3. Assure yourself that you can deal with anything life throws at you. You have handled it before, you can do it again.

4. Visualise yourself being confident. What do you say, and think? How do you act?

5. Strive to see the good in any experience. If it was a bad experience, consider what you learned. Regret is unnecessary if you learn from your mistakes.

6. Feeling dissatisfied and / or confused isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just means that something in your life needs to change. Identify it and take steps to make the changes you need to.

7. Take responsibility for your life and your mistakes. NEVER assume the victim role. This will remove all your power… and you are VERY powerful when you take responsibility for your own decisions.

8. Remember that you have choices every minute of every day. Your life, your choice.


9. Stay thankful. Count your blessings.

10. Re-evaluate your language. Do you utter the words “I can’t” too often? This self doubt reinforces the feelings of powerlessness. When you take a positive attitude, the only thing holding you back is yourself.

11. Challenge yourself. Any experience you undertake outside of your comfort zone, will pay you back 100 times over in feelings of increased self esteem and achievement.

12. Remember everyone is dealing with fear! Susan Jeffers memorably said “At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you.” When you do something that scares you, you not only eliminate that fear, but your confidence grows.

13. Surround yourself only with people who make you feel good about yourself. Be ruthless and cut out of your life those that are critical or who put you down.

14. Give 100% in your job, your relationships, your life!

15. Plan the week, the month and the year ahead. Planning is a highly effective tool for confident people. Take control of unknown situations the best you can by being thoroughly prepared and your confidence will grow in line with the level of your planning.

16. Be kind. Altruism (unselfish acts of kindness) has been scientifically proven to improve self confidence.

Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self confident and more and more successful”  – Mark Victor Hansen. 

17.  Think of self  confidence as a skill to be mastered. Anyone can do it. You can do it.

18. Start practicing self compassion. Treat yourself as you do your best friend. Do you criticise them when they slip up?


19. Identify the obstacles that keep you stuck in a less than confident state. Once you know what the issue is, you can move towards doing something about it.

20. That little negative voice in your head? The one that tells you that you can’t? Drown it out with a positive statement. You can’t always control what is going on around you,  but you can, with practice, control what is going on inside your mind.

21. Do not confuse negative thoughts with facts. If this is difficult, write down only the facts. When the worries and negativity are removed, the facts may look different.

22. Dress to impress. Getting out of bed in the morning and taking the time to look as good as you can every day, even if you are only popping to the post office,  will have a positive effect on your confidence.

23. Take a minute to list your skills and all that you have achieved. Realise what an amazing human being you are! The possibilities for the future are endless!

24. Remember that self doubt is often irrational. It’s usually based on some vision of how we think we should be, without recognising all the wonderful things we are.

24. One of my favourite quotes is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt. She said, ”You would not worry so much about what others think of you, if you realised how seldom they do.” Everyone else is too busy, wrapped up in their own lives to consider judging yours.

25.  Never underestimate the power of breathing deeply and taking a few minutes to ground yourself. Slow your breath. The world can wait for you for a minute or two.

26. No one ever changed anything by simply worrying about it. Worry does not change what will happen, it merely makes you feel miserable.

27. Do not allow negative thoughts to ruminate. Going over and over whatever is making you anxious acts as negative reinforcement.

28. In difficult social situations, fake it! Act confident even if you don’t feel it. Most times your mind will follow your body’s lead!

29. Remember that time when you felt really confident? Focus on it and use what worked well in future situations.

30. Don’t waste time thinking about times you felt under confident. Take what you learnt from those experiences and move on.

31. Be body confident. Feeling physically confident can make you feel secure and grounded. Yoga is fantastic, but so is any exercise that allows you to feel in touch with your inner strength.

32. Try meditation. It can help change the relationship we have with our thoughts and train us to positively build self-esteem.

33. Review your posture. Research suggests that we feel better about ourselves when we stand or sit upright with a straight back and head held high.

34. Exercise is so important for confidence. I read somewhere that you should exercise because you love your body not because you hate it.


35. Keep eye contact when talking to others. Eye contact is hugely important in perception of confidence. Casting your eyes around while talking will  make the listener feel a) that they are not interesting, b) that you wish you were elsewhere and c) that you do not have time for them.

36. Try not to imagine the worst. The worst seldom happens, and it only saps confidence and raises anxiety by imagining it will.

37. Look for role models. Trying to be like someone you admire is positive as long as you stay grounded in your own self.

38. Make what you have got work for you. Identify your best points and qualities and accentuate them whenever possible.

39. Allow yourself to dream big. You really can do anything you want.

40. Try not to overthink. Reflective thinking is positive, but going round and round in a cycle of negative self-critical thinking leads to feelings of demoralisation and further worry.

41. Learn to say no to people.  Self care is NOT selfish.

42. Stop comparing yourself to those around you. Remember lots of Facebook profiles and Instagram pictures are filtered and photoshopped beyond recognition! They are not necessarily reflecting real lives.

43. Cartoon your negative emotions. I imagine my negativity is the cartoon Tasmanian Devil. I imagine myself giving him a really good kick far into the distance, and it feels great!


44. Accept compliments with a gracious “thank you.” Do not brush them aside.

45. In difficult situations, give yourself time to respond. Take a minute, an hour or even a day before you act.

46. Make a virtual board of your accomplishments. Fill it with photographs and text that remind you just how wonderful you are.

47. Stand in front of a mirror and appreciate your whole self.  Remember that your imperfections are what make you unique.

48. Forgive yourself for past failures, indiscretions and mistakes. There is no changing the past and your worrying about it makes no difference whatsoever. Draw a line and commit yourself to your future, not your past.

49. Never stop learning about yourself. You have incredible potential and no one can take that away.

50. Finally, stay authentic. Be yourself. “To thine own self be true.” You are unique. There is no one like you on this planet and never will be. Make the life you want happen. Start today. ❤️


22 replies »

  1. Great tips – I agree that confidence (or maybe self-acceptance) is something that develops more easily as we get older, but it’s fantastic to be able to take these simple but highly effective steps to insert confidence into our lives regardless of age or life experience x

  2. I absolutely loved this post. It is spot on with every point. And I also happen to be one who most people believe to have a charmed life, yet they do not see my constant companion of severe PTSD following my military career.

  3. Standing in front of the mirror has for me, become easier to do with age. I’m not expecting perfection anymore. I’m very grateful to my body for bringing me this far. Lovely read! xox

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