How many times have I sat opposite someone in a counselling or life coaching session and heard them ask “How do I become more confident?”

Is confidence something you can learn? Are some people naturally confident, while others are destined to struggle in this area? I firmly believe that confidence can be built.  Believing in yourself, feeling comfortable with who you are, and knowing you have worth, is available to all of us.  Confidence is an attractive trait and it attracts like minded people, it will help you in every area of your life, making you feel happier and more successful.

I genuinely believe that anyone can learn to be confident, so, if you think you are lacking in this area, please read on. I hope you find some tips that will help. (If you have others that work for you, please do let me know in the comments!) ❤️

1. Don’t compare yourself to other people. There will always be people who appear stronger, more talented, more beautiful… But you are completely unique …and are absolutely deserving of whatever you want out of life.

2. Control negative thoughts. Focus on solutions, not problems!

3. Choose to be around people who are successful and dynamic. Supportive, like minded  friends will do a lot more for your confidence than negative or critical ones, and their confidence will rub off on you.

4. Express what you want. It’s difficult to begin with, but practice, and you will soon find that things come to those that ask!

5. Set yourself a weekly challenge. Start small, like asking a question at a big gathering, or introducing yourself to someone you don’t know, but each week try and make the challenge a little more difficult! Track your progress!

6. Using positive language, give yourself a pep talk in the mirror every day. What inspired you, or made you happy today?

7. Whenever you have felt confident, mark it in some way,  (e.g. with a photo or a souvenir), and have that item in sight every day. It’s far too easy to think of all the times we were not confident, and forget the times we were!

8. Identify the areas in which you lack confidence and try and establish why. It will be easier to change your patterns of thinking if you understand where those thoughts came from.

9. Don’t overthink things. The more you think about whether you should or shouldn’t, the more excuses you will come up with not to try.

10. Swap thoughts for facts. Negative thoughts are NOT facts. Make sure you know the difference.

11. Don’t jump to negative conclusions. Consider there may be a positive instead. At the very least there will always be a learning opportunity.

12. Write down 5 things you are afraid to do. How would you feel if you did just one of them?

 13. You are not your current circumstances. When circumstances change, confidence levels can drop. Remember you are still the same person, and it’s your  perception of those changes that has made the difference to your confidence.

14. Do not limit yourself with instilled beliefs about your abilities. For example, for years I convinced myself that I could not run. I eventually made myself run, and although to begin with, I could barely run to the end of the road, I took it slowly and built it up, until eventually I could run 7 miles without stopping. What a feeling that was!

15. “Feel the fear…and do it anyway.” So said the wonderful Susan Jeffers. Facing a fear and overcoming it will give your confidence a massive boost.

“Action makes the fear go away.” Susan Jeffers

16. Consider what you have learned. Every day is a new learning opportunity. You have gained a vast array of knowledge and you can incorporate all your learning into your (confident) future.

17. Fake it! If you don’t feel confident going into a situation, pretend you do. If it helps, think of a personality that you would like to borrow! ( I always borrow Joanna Lumley’s!)

18. Take a moment before fearing the worst in any situation. Confident people will take a breath and then believe that the situation will ultimately resolve itself.

19. You can’t always control what happens in life, but you can control how you view it. No one can take away your reaction to a situation.

20. Is there anything in your life that you are doing to please someone else? What would happen if you stopped doing it?

21. Avoid assuming the role of victim. This takes away your power, and promotes weakness not strength.

22. Remember you have a choice every day. Are you going to look at your life and feel miserable and hard done by, or are you going to feel grateful and positive for the future?

23. Accept your imperfections, like everyone else you are perfectly imperfect, and play to your strengths.

24. Be a best friend to yourself. In times of trouble, consider what a best friend would say or do to try  and help. Rarely would it involve criticism and recrimination!

25. Share your knowledge. When you have been through a difficult experience, it may help to share experiences with others who are going through the same. Sharing will be confidence building by making a positive from a negative experience.

26. Make an effort with your appearance every day. Confidence overflows when you look fantastic!

27. Remember that every time you do something out of your comfort zone, your confidence grows.

28. Make a list of your strengths and areas you do feel confident in.

29. Start a new hobby or immerse yourself in an interest that gives you confidence . For example, if you have artistic ability, use it!

30. Stop giving up. See things through, however difficult.

31. Imagine yourself as a confident person. What would that be like? What could you do with that power?

32.  Delete people on social media who you compare yourself unfavourably to.

33. Make a list of compliments you have been given.

34.  Ask your friends what they like about you.

35. Keep an eye out for triggers that lead up to the point where you start doubting yourself and figure out how to break them down and/or avoid them.

36. Think about 5 confident people you admire. What inspires you when thinking about them?

37. Speak up! Learn to love the sound of your own voice and use it!

38. Remember you are equal to everyone else. Reject any thoughts about others being more deserving than you. 

39. Stop believing that everyone else is more confident. Even the most confident people are often panicking on the inside, though they may look self assured.

40.  Don’t worry that a bad decision will deprive you of something. There are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn!

41. Plan ahead. Planning and practice is an excellent way to boost confidence.

42. Sort out your posture. Stand tall and you will emanate confidence!

43. Be kind. Showing compassion and / or kindness to others is guaranteed to raise your confidence when you see the consequences small deeds of kindness can have on those around us.

44. Mould your life into what you want it to be. There’re is no need to simply accept what comes along, and /or happens. You have the ability to make the life you want. Believe it! 

45. Reassess your life compartments. Are you putting all your eggs in one basket? (For example, is your world entirely your working life, or looking after your children?)

46. Don’t  depend on anyone else to make you happy. 

47. If you are going to do something,  give it 100% every time. How can you fail?

48. Let go of something that is dragging you down. Perhaps it is a past perceived failure, or a long held belief. Write it down on a piece of paper and then shred  or burn it. There! It’s gone!

49. As you become more confident, those around you may begin to criticise, and whine that you have changed. Ignore them, or better still, find new friends!

50. And finally.…..Never forget what a unique, amazing powerful individual you are ❤️